Wanted: A Fool to be a Tutor

Wanted:
Apply to be a tutor on the Westside of Los Angeles! It’s really a very glamorous job!

We won’t provide health insurance.

We won’t pay travel time or gas.

And when you get sick, we won’t pay you sick time or send you a card.

But what we will do is provide you with plenty of dysfunctional wealthy Los Angeles families with a plethora of issues, very little patience, and children who haven’t heard of terms such as patience, accountability, work ethic or integrity.

And for every client we find for you, we will take 50% to 60% of your hourly salary for “administrative costs”. But don’t worry, there’s an upside! Since our clientele is located on the Westside, all of our clients will be diagnosed with ADD. But don’t you worry they will be on medication that will wear off exactly 15 minutes before you arrive!

When your clients become unbearable and you need us to mediate the situation, we will play both sides of the field! Hooray! We will trash the client to your face, and meanwhile suck up to the client behind your back. You’ll never find out, we promise!

And the best part about the position, you’ll never need to take a bath because every house you tutor at has a dog that will jump on you, piss on you, and breathe on you with their hot nasty breath. And when they are done, they will lick you clean with their slimy tongues!

And you will diversify your vocabulary by learning words like “bitch”, “cunt”, “whore” and “slut” because these are only but a few of the words you’ll hear some of the kids call their mothers, nannies and maybe even you!

If you are smarter than the average American yet have the abuse tolerance of a Hollywood hooker, then come on in, apply for the job. We promise you will love it!